This is Day 4 of Harry's first real bout of Mommy Fever. He's had periods of attachment, some episodes of separation anxiety, and the normal leg-hugging when being introduced to someone for the first time, but every night this week he's been asking me to put him to bed.
And I have put him to bed the last three nights, instead of alternating with Kevin, because the crying from Harry's room has been too much to take. I don't know if this is his newest bedtime-avoidance tactic, or maybe something deeper.
I feel like a bad mom right now. Is Harry asking for me because I'm gone too often, spending three full days a week at school? Am I not 100% present on the days I do spend with him, checking my email and trying to sneak five minutes to review microbiology while he's playing with his Hot Wheels? And is a full-time internship next semester going to hurt my relationship with him? Is daycare drop-off going to be this hard?
Harry just opened his bedroom door and said, "Daddy, get Mama." I want to go in there and hug him and tuck him in again and help him fall asleep, but I don't want to set a precedent where he cries and I run, and I am the only person able to do the bedtime thing. But it breaks my heart, people. It really does.
10 months ago